Alone

Forgive me for this sentimental picture. It just suits my mood today. Lately, I’ve been experiencing some personal crisis. I don’t what category it lies but I’m sure that I’m having a hard time recognizing life’s purpose. I’m currently having a lot of pressure right now. It is a bit hard to become happy and stay positive with these things going on. Now, I’m starting to realize what adults used to say, “Enjoy whatever you have while you’re still young”. And yes, they are right! 

I’m having a lot of pressure of what should be the next step after graduating. If you are having the biggest decision in your life, there are two options: it is to play safe or take a risk. Guys, after you graduated college, it is not your parents who will decide what will be the next big thing. Moreover, it is you who will do the decision making. And that’s when my paranoia starts. I’m too scared to go out of my comfort zone and try to live on my own. Before my senior year in college, I’m picturing myself as an independent young professional who lives in the city. But now, my face has been slapped by some realities that it is hard to hold on your principle and dreams. It is true, shits really happen. And all these crap will get worse if you don’t have the right support system on your back.

For the past 21 years of my life, I have been the parent-follower type of child. Whatever my parents say, I do. My mom used to say that I’m the kind of kid that has the wildest imagination and dreams when I was young.  But now, what the heck happened? (haha) . Living independently is like forcing me to jump over a big deep swimming pool with cold water. If you don’t have the courage and confidence that you’ll survive after jumping over that pool, then don’t jump. But if you have support system (like a life jacket), then you have a bigger chance to survive. For now, I don’t feel like I have that life jacket that could support me. 

People taught that I’m the strongest person, but deep inside me I feel like I’m all alone. Sorry for the sad blog entry today. I think sharing this would make me feel a little bit lighter. Thank you for reaching this part; you’ve been a good reader. A good reader is like a good listener, your friends are lucky to have you. I would appreciate it if you’ll share your experiences like mine.  It would make me feel better if I’ll know that it is normal.

Still, live your life. And Hit it with your best shot!

Kisses!